Recently I've been feeling a bit pants...
Maybe it's just a January thing.
Maybe it's because I haven't left the country in a few months.
Maybe it's because I work alone and sometimes that's a bit rubbish.
Either way, I've been feeling pants and beating myself up for not doing enough business-wise. I feel like generally I am a hyper motivated human and whatever I want, I make it happen. I have always had the ability to dream up a life and then find a way to make it a reality. It started pretty simply- a summer in America, travel in Asia, ski guide... all do-able and I just did enough to make them happen.
Then came the life- make TV. Ok- managed that... but that's when self promotion started creeping in. I had to start tweeting, instagramming, writing blogs... because it's not enough to be good. It wasn't enough to know how to film or that I was a nice person and easy to work with... I had to be good at promoting myself too. The amount of times employees and clients have asked me about my followers count!
I didn't really realise that to make the life I want I am going to have to become influential. Because now what I want is to run a successful production company, where I get to travel and create beautiful films. I have to be so good to beat all the other millions of people that have the same dream... I am fast realising that in order to be allowed to do that in this day and age I have to rise above the noise... and there is so much noise!
That noise though- it's debilitating. I can spend hours being sucked into articles on the internet about how to market better, how to stand out- here are people that are doing it- so I watch their stuff... then I get sad. I should be doing more- so I start something new.
I know content is key... build it and they will come. (and then instagram/tweet/film the shit out of it to make sure they do) So I'm all about content.
But it's tough for me... because I literally want to do it all... As I sit here typing I have a document open listing endless ideas for TV shows to pitch, Instagram films to make, brands to contact, places to visit and film, photo projects to start. I have tonnes of great content sat waiting to create issue one of my magazine. I have a half-finished showreel with an incredible track composed just for me. I have a weeks worth of footage that I shot in NYC last year- that I've done nothing with. There's three almost finished novels, folders of un-printed photographs I love and so many script ideas I don't even keep count.
There is nothing great about having ideas.
Any fool can think up great stuff and half finish it, or believe that if they just had the time then they could do something great with X. The greatness comes in finishing something. Of seeing something through and creating the life you want.
I think back to all the things that I made happen when I was younger and I am amazed that I had the follow through- organising your life to be moved half-way around the world is complicated and time-consuming and people don't do it generally because they can't be bothered to work it out.
But I did. But there was so much less noise then- I didn't care what anyone else was doing, or the right way of doing it. I was in control.
I always refused to be drawn into a life where I was relentlessly running at full speed and doing everything because I didn't want to miss out... and as a consequence, I figured I would miss out on so much more important stuff... and that served me well. I did whatever the hell I wanted and made a life I was so proud of.
Nowadays... I guess I'm proud of my life... but not as much as I was then. And it's because I've started paying attention to the noise.... I felt like I should because what do I know about running a business?!
But whatever... I'm tuning out again.
Enough of this 'real world' bollocks. Enough reading '5 ways to be more productive'. Enough worrying who I should talk to and how I should approach them. Enough apologising for how lucky I have been and enough asking for permission to make the life I want.
I'm gunna start just doing me again... random, friendly and enthusiastic has taken me this far... and maybe if I tune out I can finally finish a novel or make a film... but maybe I wont... but you know what, I think that it will be just fine, either way.
Yes, I still have to create content- but that's what I do naturally anyway- so I will still be self-promoting... but I'm doing it like I always used to- in whatever the hell way I want to.... and with less of the beating myself up.
There are so many rules in my industry- but I'm betting the people who are where I want to end up hardly followed any of them....
So. screw it.
Wow- cheers if you read this far... (thanks Mum.)... sorry for the rant, but I think this is something we all face these days and hopefully you found something relatable in it. (Not you Mum- you are superhuman and always do everything you want to do... and still have time to bake a cake!)